Who will love me?
Jacob was a man from the Bible who knew what it was like to be “labeled.” You see, Jacob’s name meant deceiver or liar. Obviously, he didn’t do anything to deserve that name as a child. It was unfair. It didn’t make sense. But it was his reality. From the very beginning, Jacob was set up to fail.
Jacob had a twin brother Esau, who was his Dad’s favorite. Jacob was constantly compared to his “more successful” brother. He felt like nothing he could do was ever good enough for his Dad. Jacob longed to have his Father’s blessing, his approval, his love.
One time, as a young man, Jacob’s mom, Rebekah overheard her husband Issac saying to Esau he wanted to bless him. Now God had given Rebekah a promise earlier that Jacob would receive the blessing instead…not Esau. Things weren’t working out the way they were supposed to. So Rebekah thought she better help God out and devised her own plan. She fixed her husband’s meal “just the way he liked it” and even disguised Jacob as Esau so he could get the blessing instead. His mom knew how to control and manipulate her husband in order to get what she wanted.
At this point, Jacob was just following orders. He did what his mother told him. He never said “no,” asked too many questions, or set appropriate boundaries for himself. He just blindly followed his mother’s lead. Jacob was being set up to fail.
When Jacob took the meal into his father Issac, his dad asked him point blank, “Are you Esau?”
And then … Jacob lied.
He said, “I am.” His dad was suspicious and would ask questions, but each time Jacob lied. Despite Issac’s hesitation, he went ahead and blessed him anyway. When Esau came back and realized what had happened, he was furious. He wanted to kill him. He said to his dad, “Isn’t he rightly named Jacob, because he had deceived me two times.”
Notice he didn’t say “ALL the time” — just two times. It’s interesting to note that Jacob was labeled for the rest of his life, based on only two mistakes!
At this point in the story, Jacob Embraced the Lie. He became what other people said about him. He became the lie.
Jacob flees to his Uncle Laban’s house to get away from his brother who wants to kill him for his mistake. That is when Jacob meets Rachel. It was love at first sight. Jacob works 7 years to win her hand in marriage, but the Bible says to him it “felt like only a few days.” But on his wedding night, Laban tricks Jacob and gives him the older, less desirable sister Leah instead. When Jacob wakes up the next morning, there was Leah.
Jacob was mad. He asks Laban, “Why did you deceive me?” Laban makes some excuses and then offers him Rachel too if he commits to working another 7 years for her. Now all of a sudden, the tables are turned. The very thing Jacob did to others is now happening to him. God allows Jacob to suffer the consequences of his deceit. For the first time, he realizes how painful it is to be on the receiving end of something you don’t deserve.
After the agreed upon time was up, Jacob longs to go back home to see his family. He tries to voice his concerns to Uncle Laban, but Laban talks him out of it. He ends up staying another 6 years in an unhealthy working environment because he is too afraid to stand up for himself and say what he really needs. It says in the Bible, that Laban changed his wages 10 times! We get the picture that Jacob was overworked and taken advantage of. He was treated unfairly. Jacob hates where he is at but is too scared to make a change.
Have you ever felt that way? What are you afraid of?
All the while, God sees the injustice and God blesses Jacob. He allows Jacob to go through the struggles without bailing him out. But he uses the struggles to teach Jacob something about himself…something about God.
By this point Jacob has lots of stuff. He has the wife of his dreams, lots of children. He has accumulated large numbers of flocks. In the world’s eyes, he has anything he could ever want. But nothing seems to satisfy him. He is constantly striving, looking for something more. Even after getting all this stuff, he still feels empty on the inside.
He thought those things would satisfy him, but it was NEVER ENOUGH.
Have you ever wanted something so bad that after you get it, it doesn’t satisfy you? You still feel empty on the inside, like you are missing something?
Finally, God has to give Jacob a good kick in the pants to get him moving along. He says to Jacob, “It is TIME. GO HOME!”
God didn’t have to tell Jacob twice, because Jacob was so miserable at this point, that he knew he had to make a change. But Jacob was still afraid. He didn’t want to have to tell Uncle Laban that he was leaving for fear that he would be talked out of his decision again. So Jacob runs away, sneaks out during the night.
You can see that Jacob has a lot of FEAR in his life.
Whenever Jacob is “triggered” by fear, he reverts back to what is FAMILIAR. Telling lies is easier than SPEAKING UP for himself and ASKING for what he NEEDS. RUNNING AWAY is easier than CONFRONTING his FEAR.
But this time, God doesn’t let Jacob get away with it. Laban catches up to him and confronts him. For the first time, Jacob tells Uncle Laban how he REALLY feels. He says, “I was afraid.” Both Esau and Laban are strong men and Jacob felt threatened by them. Then all the years of ANGER that Jacob had bottled up inside him, starts to come to the surface. Jacob lets Laban have it. He unloads. Jacob confronts Laban for all the years he mistreated him and how it made him feel. He says, “This is how I lived for 20 years! And if it weren’t for God, surely you would have sent me away empty-handed.” Laban returns home.
Jacob continues his journey home. He prepares himself to FACE HIS GREATEST FEAR, his brother Esau.
Then Jacob gets word that, “Esau is coming and has 400 men with him!” Jacob is afraid. It says in the Bible that, “In great fear and distress, Jacob comes up with a plan.” [Remind you of his mom, Rebekah?] Jacob tries to take matters into his own hands and devise a plan to get him out of the mess he’s made.
But then, Jacob STOPS … and prays. “Wait a minute, Lord. I can’t do this anymore. Something has got to change. I need YOUR help.” In other words, Jacob realizes that the way he has been living his life hasn’t worked so good, he needs a change of plan. He ASKS FOR GOD’S HELP.
Jacob sends everyone away so that he can be alone with God. Then Jacob reflects back on his life and remembers all the times when God was there for him. He realizes how unworthy he is of God’s GRACE. He expresses his fears to God and is honest about what he needs. “God SAVE ME, I pray. For I AM AFRAID.”
Jacob WRESTLES with God.
All of us must come to this point sometime within our lives. A crossroads where we must choose between two opposite paths. A crises of our faith. Will we TRUST God with our lives and SURRENDER ourselves to his care, or will we go our own way and do our own thing, thinking we can do it better than God.
It says in the Bible that a man (like an angel) wrestled with Jacob until daybreak.
Jacob tells the man, “I will not let you go until you BLESS ME.” [Jacob is still searching for love and acceptance.]
The man asks Jacob, “What is YOUR NAME?” In a single moment, God gets to the root of our pain and insecurity and striving.
Because Jacob was labeled as a child, he must have known what his name meant and longed to be NOTICED for something different. At that moment, all the Hurt and Memories associated with his name — the “LABELS”– flood back into his mind. I’m sure Jacob must have thought to himself, “Did you have to bring that up? Why does everyone always bring up all my mistakes?”
But Jacob replies, “I AM Jacob.” In other words, Jacob was confessing to God, “You’re right God, I AM a Deceiver.” Jacob ADMITS his MISTAKES and TAKES RESPONSIBILITY for his ACTIONS. He doesn’t BLAME anyone else for what he has become.
The man says to Jacob, “Your name will NO LONGER be called Jacob, but Israel. Because you have STRUGGLED and OVERCOME.” And then he blessed him.
God knew Jacob needed a NAME CHANGE.
I can hear God saying, “You are not who you used to be. You are not what others say about you. You are not even what you say to yourself.
You are what I say you are. You are a new creation. I have given you a new IDENTITY. And I love you.”
This ONE DEFINING MOMENT WITH GOD changed everything!
What is it that other people have labeled you as?
Allow God to give you a new name. Significance can only be found in God. Only He can truly satisfy you. He is ENOUGH.
Jacob still had some unfinished business to take care of. He still had to face his greatest fear, his brother Esau, and ASK FORGIVENESS for what he had done. He couldn’t ignore it or escape his problem. No one could do it for him. He had to FACE HIS FEAR and DO IT AFRAID!
When his brother Esau saw him, he ran to meet him and embrace him. Jacob said, “Seeing your face is like seeing the hand of God.” In other words, ONLY GOD could have turned this mess around.
All along, Jacob WANTED his earthly father’s blessing, but all he really NEEDED was his Heavenly Father’s blessing. He needed to know that God loved him and accepted him just the way he was — faults and all.
God is the GOD OF IMPERFECT PEOPLE!
He is the God of …
- the brokenhearted
- the misjudged
- the taken advantage of
- the overlooked
- the fearful
- those searching for something more
- those who still fail and make mistakes
God, send someone to love me?
God did. God sent himself. Because He knew that no one could love us the way we really needed to be loved.
“I will love you for you. Not for what you have done or what you will become. I will give you a love you never knew.” (JJ Heller in her song, “What Love Really Means”)
