When our THOUGHTS GO UNCHALLENGED, they lead to FAULTY ASSUMPTIONS that color and distort our view of reality. (DISTORTED VIEW OF REALITY). End up BELIEVING THE LIE. Once those lies get planted in our soul and allowed to GROW in a fertile soil of bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, ________(YOU fill in the blank), it changes the way we behave. Our ACTIONS–and the consequences of our actions–affect our FUTURE, our destiny, God’s plan for our life. Eventually, we allow those lies to DEFINE OUR CHARACTER, who we are.
Our life is a sum total of the choices we’ve made and their resulting consequences. Our thoughts have power! They tell us who we are and what we will become.
The most damaging of all Lies are those based partially on Truth. We mistakenly believe that if one part of the message is true, the other part must be true too. Therefore, we believe the lie in it’s entirety, “hook, line, and sinker.” The problem is we don’t see the “hook”.
Partial Truth + Lie = Faulty Assumption
•You are always late, why can’t you get your act together! (You are out of control.)
•We’ve gone over this a thousand times, why can’t you get it? (You are stupid.)
•You are so emotional; you’re a mess! (You are so needy.)
•You don’t need that cookie, you’ll never lose weight. (You are fat.)
•Why don’t you wear make-up, you’ve really let yourself go. You used to look so pretty. (You look ugly.)
[*Make your own list.]
Understand How the Cycle Works
Perhaps your Core Wound/Trauma stems from on “a Lie.” (Someone close to you lied — and you felt betrayed.) Therefore, it makes sense that your re-occurring triggers center around “Lies” or “People who Lie.”
Your Thoughts Go Unchallenged:
You blame yourself for “Believing the Lie.” But your blame does not stop there. You blame yourself for other things too, like:
- letting the house go unkept
- isolating from friends or family
- being so emotional or tired
Which leads to Faulty Assumptions:
You blamed yourself for grieving. But you did not recognize it as grieving so you became angry at yourself, instead of allowing yourself time to process your hurts.
- “Something is wrong with me.”
- “Why can’t I get my act together.”
This gives you a Distorted View of Reality:
When someone lies to you, it produces a sense of instability in you. To make sense of your “new reality,” you judge, ridicule or criticize people who lie.
- “I can’t trust them.”
- “They are not who they say they are.”
- “If they lie in one area, they must lie in all areas.”
- “They meant to do it.”
- “They will never change.”
Therefore, You Believe the Lies:
- “I cannot trust anyone but myself.”
- “If I don’t expect anything good to happen, then I won’t be disappointed when it doesn’t.”
It Changes Your Behavior:
You put up walls to protect yourself.
- You keep yourself at a distance by isolating yourself or suppressing your emotions.
- You keep yourself so busy that you don’t have time to think about it.
Don’t let the trauma Define Your Character!
This is where you need GOD’S PERSPECTIVE on things.
What is True?
The truth that God wants to reveal to you is . . . ? (Ask God to show you the truth and to help you identify the lies.)
- IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT.
- YOU WERE GRIEVING! (It is normal and ok to grieve for a time.)
What is God Saying to you Now?
Listen for God to speak truth to you about the situation. (Write it down in your journal and add to it every time God reveals something new.)
- Let me heal you.
- Understand the trauma.
- Give yourself time to grieve.
- Recognize the triggers.
- Expose the lies (. . . that somehow this is your fault).
- Know the truth. (You can get over this. This is not the way it will always be.)