Free Fall

I don’t know about you, but I like to stay on top of things by keeping things organized and getting things done. I don’t like clutter or the feeling that things are beyond my control. I feel satisfied and accomplished when I cross things off my “To Do” list each day. Generally speaking, the more things I cross off the better I feel. Over the years I realize and accept that this is just how God has wired me. But sometimes my “type A” personality can get in the way of something God is trying to teach me, like letting go of control.

Recently I find myself telling others, “I feel like I’ve been doing a free fall.” You know the feeling if you’ve ever done one of those “blind trust walks” where a leader guides you along an unpredictable (and often rocky) path while you are blindfolded. Or maybe you’ve done a “trust fall” at summer camp as a kid where you were instructed to fall backwards into a crowd below in hopes they would catch you. The idea is for you to build trust with your leader and those around you.

As crazy as it sounds, I feel like I’m back at summer camp now as an adult. Although this time it’s God’s boot camp and He is my leader or guide. He is trying to get me to “let go” and “fall back” into His arms. He wants me to trust Him. I know, I get that. But somehow this doesn’t feel fun; it feels scary. I don’t want to let go. I’ve gotten hurt before falling and it wasn’t fun. I don’t want to get hurt again. I want to see what is coming next around the corner. But still I hear God whisper to my soul over and over again, “Just trust me. Follow my lead.”

I can see myself desperately trying to hold on in my own strength, but I am getting tired struggling. It’s like I’m hanging onto a cliff ledge, fingers dug in deep, determined to never let go. All the while God is nudging me to let go and trust Him. Have you ever felt that way? Why is it so difficult to trust God?

I am afraid. Fear keeps me from stepping out in faith.

It is difficult to trust God when I can’t see the outcome. I want the blueprints for my life ahead of time so that I can see what my future looks like. It is difficult for me to trust God when I can’t figure out what He is doing.

At times all I can see around me is chaos and uncertainty. Sometimes the situation I face does not look good. I feel unprepared if I don’t have an exit strategy — or at least options. At these moments I feel completely helpless. I don’t like NOT being in control of my life. I don’t like not knowing what comes next or how I can change it. I don’t like it when life throws me unpredictable curve balls.  So instead of letting go, I try and hold on. I try holding everything together so it doesn’t fall apart on me.

Does God really want things to fall apart?

We’ve all heard it said before, “Sometimes things have to fall apart in order to start over and rebuild.” You can’t remodel a house until you tear a few things out. Maybe letting go of some things that aren’t working very well anyways isn’t such a bad idea.

In order to trust, you have to surrender. You have to let go of things that are not working or getting in your way.

David Wilkerson wrote, “Only total and complete trust makes a person humble. This means having no agenda, no self-will and forfeiting all rights.”

When you trust someone, you believe they care and want the best for you. You believe they’ve got your back in any situation. You trust them because they are reliable and you can count on them to do what they say. You trust them because they’ve proven themselves in the past and have a good track record. You trust them because they have a better, more clearer perspective on things than you do. I say I believe that about God, but I don’t always act like it.

Don’t let FEAR hold you back from trusting God.

I was reading David Wilkerson’s sermon, “Saved But Miserable,” for my devotions recently and wrote this in my journal:

“Can you imagine the misery of living in fear an entire lifetime? For forty years these people went in circles, their lives wrapped up in simply surviving. They became lost in petty problems, going through the motions, fretting about things that would never happen. This is a picture of what happens when you lose your faith.”

The article concludes, “God’s concern is that his people are being shaken in their faith, that they won’t trust him in their crises. Indeed, our worst sin is not to BELIEVE He will do what He promised.”

Ouch! I don’t want to live in fear and go in circles the rest of my life, worrying about things that will never happen. I don’t want to stay stuck in the past because I was too afraid to trust God’s leadership and move forwards. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and realize I missed out on God’s promises and plans for me.

I want to trust God in the middle of my crises because He has proven Himself faithful in the past. I want to trust God because He cares about me. Therefore, I choose to trust God right now. I choose to let go and fall back and let God lead. How about you? Are you ready to free fall?

Verse for Today:
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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)