Here are some tactics or strategies that people routinely use to cover up their pain. Once you realize that it is NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, but about the other person’s own struggles and issues, you can stop blaming yourself for something that isn’t your fault. So stop trying to figure out what’s wrong with YOU or why this is happening. Recognize your part in the conflict and take ownership for that, but don’t rescue someone else by trying to fix them or protect them from their pain or consequences. You work on yourself … and let them work on themselves.
“It’s Crazy-making!” one woman exclaimed.
- Two Different Realities: Real me (hidden self) –vs– Me “I want you to see” (outside self, actor)
- Changes the Subject (Distracts you from real issue or asking questions.)
- Shifts Blame (Points accusing finger at you.)
- Life Goes On (Acts as if nothing happened.)
- “No big deal!” (De-emphasize or minimize situation, makes it seem less important than it really is.)
- Trickle Out Truth (Story comes out a little at a time, but never completely — only in “bits and pieces”.)
- Numb to Emotions or Feelings (Unemotional or displays opposite or inappropriate emotion — ie. “happy” instead of “sad or depressed”.)
- “I’m OK. Everything is OK.” (Puts on a “mask” that does not portray an accurate picture of reality.)
- Remains Oblivious or Disconnected (Separates themselves from reality — compartmentalizes.)
- Deny, Deny, Deny